Thanks for your concern for me, I can feel it halfway across the world:) I am feeling better and it could be stomach ulcers or a worm but we shall see:) Things are getting a lot better so I don't really know hha:)
Everything is going really awesome now:) I am really workin hard now on losing myself in the work. I read the talk the fourth missionary again and its like the pinaka the best talk ever:) It talks bout how you can do everything right, but if your heart is not in the right place and you are not totally lost in the work it profiteth you nothing. Just like in Corinthians 13 about charity; man can have all ability and everything but if he does not have charity it profiteth him nothing. It says that you can do all the things that lead to happiness but if you do it with an unwilling heart and you don't want to do those things then they cannot make you happy. The Lord cannot change what you don't give him, if we don't give him our heart then He cannot change it to make it happy. It is not enough to do what the Lord wants we have to want what the Lord wants. Another scripture that backs this up is in the Doctrine and Covenants about the man who gives a gift but if we give it grudgingly it proffiteth nothing, and would be as if he received it not.
The 2 ways to serve in the church are the bite the bullet attitude or the willing heart, they can even do the same good but the only difference is ones actions are conformed to kindness and goodness but their actual heart is not changed and does not benefit themselves from the work they gave. Even though they do what the Lord wants, in their heart they still want what they want. The other one who gives his heart measures not the cost, does all the work the other does but also gives his heart and therefore he becomes more like Christ and the more like Christ we are the more happy we are. In the end the one who gives his heart is actually easier because it is more fun and there will be no fight inside themself no discontentment no battle just peace of mind and heart and the spirit will be fully enjoyed. I notice a lot in the culture of the church people don't like giving prayers or are bummed when they have to do something, but by doing so they are choosing not to enjoy the Lord's will and will not benefit from what they do. So that's just something that's kinda awesome bit of knowledge and its not impossible it is a simple choice of agency, made in the heart and mind. It is not impossible and its not only for some but for all:)
So I have come to find out this week that this is the Bible belt of Asia. Almost all people here are Christian, and there are tons and tons of churches saying wo here and lo here, Which is a good thing because they are willing to listen but I find it hard for many of the people we teach to recognize the spirit of the Lord. Many of their questions are about the holy grail, or facts in History instead of simple witnesses to their heart that something is true. Its like all about the secular part of religion here but religion in and of itself is spiritual and knowledge must be obtained through the spirit:) Many people will say but what about this fact and this detail about Noah ark, but all we want to do is give them salvation, not the answer about the Holy Grail. Although when we teach, they will say their feelings and the peace they feel and joy from the message and no matter how many times we tell them that's the spirit, it somehow doesn't make a connection. Its really hard to get them to realize that they can actually receive revelation from God in their personal life. That God speaks to us personally:) we do not just speak to Him. But if takes 100x till they recognize it, thats what it takes:) I will focus my personal study this week and will if its Gods will get some revelation on the matter. The work here is not door to door, its person to person in the streets and in ally ways and everything. You will hardly be able to teach if you knock on door so you just talk to everyone, most people are outside their houses. Its called OYMing or opening your mouth. Its really fun, you can fill like a whole 2 days of new teaching appointments in one day but the people that will let you in when you go back to them in another story. I am really trying to get better at it, I find it kind of Ironic that we walk around with a pearl of infinite price beyond dreams and imagination and yet we have a difficult time presenting it in such a way that people will accept it haha. It doesn't even cost money haha. We just want to help, but that's okay I know the more I do it the better I will get, I just wish the Lord had something better to work with besides myself but I know that the Lords power is infinite and no matter our talents and abilities if we use the Lords power we need not worry about our own lack of ability:)
p.s. I find it interesting what you said about the Holy Ghost being a friend, often in my prayers I ask that I can be a friend to the Holy Ghost so that He will want to be with me:)
Love, Elder Blackham